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Character Bios

Heroes

• Clifford J. Spartacus - protagonist:

  To fight evil on an epic quest or join a bad local band? This is the choice Clifford has to make. O what a choice to befall a spiky-haired lout from the tiny hamlet of Mud Haven! But lo and behold, the legendary blood of the world's greatest fluke of a hero, Scumdrop, runs through his veins - though this might be more of a bane than a boon. Unlike other thuglets his age, he has an equipment box, which is the key difference between being a mundane NPC and being of heroic calibre. That and a wicked-magical sword he found in a bog. It is a time of moderate need. The fates are calling. It is Clifford's destiny to become a true hero and save the world from an ancient bastard! Problem is, right now he's really leaning towards choosing the bad local band...
  
  

• Edge Slash - ally:

  When parents have the inner vision to realize their child will one day become the greatest guitarist of all time, as they sometimes do, they might name their child after two famous axe thrashers. Edge is the quintessential guitarist, all of his atoms having been composed by way of "DNA jam." Though he may be a small-time nobody at the moment, fame and fortune motivate him to impressive heights. To prepare for these heights he smokes and drinks too much, his face starting to resemble a leathery catcher's mitt, but it's all part of his rock-god image. Edge proves to be a noble, if narcissistic, ally for Clifford, and is usually kept in check by his sister, Sasha.
  
  

• Sasha Slash - ally:

  Sasha is much more level-headed than her brother, Edge, and proudly shows off her independance with a punk chic wardrobe. Living with her brother has left her meek and humble by comparison, but she is happy to be the backbone of the group: both emotionally and by laying down some phat basslines. Sasha also puts the "hot sexual tension" in "epic adventure" with her saucy glances, for while she is also a stalwart ally of Clifford's, her interest in him stretches beyond being bandmates. A patient girl, she sticks close to Clifford and watches his back, a better friend than Clifford deserves for his flagrent disregard for her feelings.
  
  

• Zaknafien Zakford - ally:

  "Spare a coin for a starving master of the occult?" comes the innocent question. "Huh? Oh, sure," you say, flipping a coin to the beggar, thinking nothing of it. But this is no ordinary hobo, this is Zaknafien Zakford, the hobo-pirate-apothecary-necromancing-drummer who is more madman than man. Edge hires Zaknafien to drum for the band, which he agrees to on the basis of receiving a free meal as payment. Then he kind of... never leaves. The rambunctious Zaknafien is very aggresive and fights with a hobo-level ferocity, which is very ferocious. The fates likely never counted on this guy following Clifford around, but there he is, causing disruption at every turn and adding more suspicous job titles to his resume. Job titles like 'vampire.'
  
  

Villains

• Gwar - antagonist:

  Clifford really goofs when he accidentally brings the ancient demon Gwar (only coincidentally named after the '80s metal band) back to life. Not only does Gwar have his own citadel, he also has legions of zombie minions (called 'slugs') at his disposal. Plus he can fly and see into crystal balls and stuff! Ominous does not begin to describe this malevolent creature, for while he rarely gets himself dirty, he has been known to deliver a mean soliloquy now and again. Soliloquies that are the true source of bed-wetting across the land. Clifford, however, presents a problem, as his magical sword could harm Gwar if not dealt with. Fortunately, he has more minions than you can shake a stick at to hurl at Clifford and his friends. Good news for evil, band news for a band trying to play some gigs.
  
  

• Harold von Courage - enemy:

  The prodigal jerk of Mud Haven, Harold von Courage is a wormy brat whose charm and bravado mesmerizes the general populace. He's young, dashing, and seemingly destined to become a hero. Thing is, Clifford has the EQ Box and Harold has nothing - a fact which makes the tyke really pissed off. Harold thinks he should be the hero and Clifford should be mud, and the epic battle betwen ambition and lethargy is on. His personal jealousy of Clifford will drive him to further and further heights to bring his nemesis down and as such he quickly plays the villain.
  
  

• Hexehabulous - enemy:

  Everyone enjoys a good mirror! Everyone but Clifford. For within the shiny sand confines of your average mirror resides a demon of his mind, a terrible fiend who claims to be Clifford's darker side: Hexehabulous. Spawning in any reflective surface, Clifford is constantly facing internal struggles with the wily monster, engaging in mental combat as dangerous as any slug or slime on the path to adventure. But how can Clifford fight that which is within himself? Blankets?